NEXT TIME YOU ARE FEELING DUMB ABOUT YOUR COMPUTER THINK ABOUT THIS:

Check out the following excerpts from a Wall Street Journal article by
Jim Carlton (these are allegedly true reports from computer techs).

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to
   "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the
   "Any" key is.
   
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was
   hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be
   the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
   
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining
   that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old
   5.25" floppies. After troubleshooting for magnets and heat failed to
   diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labeled the
   diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
   
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective
   diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along
   with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
5. 
   A Dell technician advised her customer to put his troubled floppy
   back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to
   hold, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing
   the room to close the door to his room.
6. 
   Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer
   to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the tech
   discovered the man was attempting to fax a piece of paper by holding
   it in front of his monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
   
7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a
   Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "yeah, I got me a
   couple of friends," the customer replied. When told Egghead was a
   software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find
   a couple of geeks."
   
8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no
   longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub and soaking
   the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them
   individually.
   
9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
   because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid." The
   tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid"
   responses should not be taken personally.
   
10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get
    her new computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged
    in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power
    button. Her response: "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and
    nothing happens." The foot pedal turned out to be the computer's
    mouse.
    
11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say his brand new
    computer wouldn't work. He said he unpacked the unit, plugged it in,
    and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When
    asked what happened when he pressed the power switch, he asked, "what
    power switch?"
    
12. True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
    
    Caller: "Hello, is this tech support?"
    
    Tech: "Yes, it is, how may I help you?"
    
    Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my
    warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
    
    Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say cup holder?"
    
    Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
    
    Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am.
    Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How
    did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
    
    Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a
    promotional. It just has '4X' on the front of it."
    
    At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he
    couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of his
    CD ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.